|saturnine gloom and friendster literati
||[Dec. 15th, 2003|02:30 am]
Wallowing in unfathomable depths of infinite sadness, my keeper has been rendered immobile for the duration of the weekend, suffering silently through the consequences of his most honorable and just decision regarding which of Newport's two finest mares he should pair. Seth's acute brooding and Bergmanian silence is eclipsed only by the eclectic musical selections emanating from his, appropriately titled, "Seth's Lament(s)" playlist in iTunes. Who, oh gentle readers, could have imagined that Joy Division would blend so effortlessly with Sarah Mclachlan and then rise to the sublime heights of Nick Drake only to be emotionally gutted by the steely blade of Ella Fitzgerald's sentimental ululations?</br>
Though undeniably my equestrian heart suffers to see Seth in such a miserable state, his solitude gave me time to turn my thoughts to affairs less grave; namely, participating in that great socio-cultural simulacrum which would make McLuhan so proud.....the Friendster.
While diligently answering private messages, approving friend and testimonial requests and fine tuning my representatively exhaustive profile, I noticed that many of you, my dear friendsters, had similar questions about your humble yet loyal plastic stead. In the hopes of answering as many inquiries as possible, I've thrown together the following list of frequently asked questions or in the parlance of interweb speak, the "FAQ":
Frequently Asked Questions (or FAQ) of Captain Oats (Part 1)
Are you the real Captain Oats?
Unfortunately the scope of this question lies beyond the paltry bounds of this metaphysically pedestrian FAQ, but I will say that, a priori, I do exist as a cognitive being and that a posteori demonstrable necessary qualities can be universally quantified to spatio-temporaly locate me (cf. Descartes, Kant, Quine).</br>
When Seth left you and Anna alone during thanksgiving and you were supposed to be playing Jenga, what *really* happened?
Let's just say that after I let her win at Jenga, we just horsed around.</br>
On your Friendster profile, it says "in a relationship". If this is true, who's the lucky lady?
I of course mean "relationship" in the 'philia' and 'agape' senses of love, opposed to 'eros' or sexual love. Like Don Quixote's trusty Ocinante, I am ever loyal to my keeper Seth.</br>
I know we're all supposed to think that Dylan's father was killed in that big car explosion, but do you think that there's anyway Mr. McKay might have survived and will later return to seek out Dylan and reveal a crazy autobiographical fact?
What breed of horse are you?
Obviously you have learned nothing from our open minded and classless (some would say utopian) society here in Newport Beach. It's not one's breeding or background that matters, but one's personality, inner beauty and conviction that defines a [wo]man (or horse).
Can I ride you bareback?
Well it appears that Michelle Branch's "Goodbye to You" has been put on 'repeat-one' again, so I must be off.</br?